Overdue update!!!!!!

Bit of a delay as i've had so much 2 deal wiv. couldn't put it off much longer as steve was hounding me lol... Didn't say in my last entry but i was pregnant.. 13 weeks!! Its all over now but will explain further on...


Sat 7th Feb

We decided 2 go 2 Irvine 4 Robyns bday. Me Jen n Sharon got ready in mums n then went to Morgans 2 meet robyn Nikki n Joanne then we all got a taxi 2 Irvine. We went 2 pitchers bar 4 a few but i started getting crippling stomach pains n when i went 2 the toilet i was heavily bleeding so i got a taxi home n went 2 bed.. I was a bit gutted as i'd been looking forward 2 it 4 ages. Pitchers were having a popcorn party...

Sun 8th Feb

Sunday was ryans 6th birthday party which was just mayhem.. We had a dj n the bouncy castle but i couldn't enjoy it as i was still in lots of pain. Went 2 the pub afterwards as the kids were away on holiday wiv their nana n papa 4 the week. Only had a few then came home n went 2 bed wiv pain killers.

Mon 9th Feb

finally went 2 the hospital wiv the stomach pain where i was told i had miscarried. Have 2 go back on wed 4 a d and c procedure.. Went 2 stay wiv mr x as i didn't wanna be on my own. Also stayed on the tues nite..

Wed 11th Feb

Had the procedure 2day. It wasn't nice and i was left in lots of pain. Went 2 stay wiv mr x again n he looked after me really gd..

Fri 13th Feb

Went to the pub this afternoon wiv mum n davy n got rather drunk n mum wanted 2 go 2 the pub but davy got jealous so i went 2 kilwinning 2 stay wiv Lj at her nanas so i could help her prepare for her engagement party. It was so gd being wiv her as i was feeling really low.

Sat 14th Feb

I hate being single on valentines day. It really sucks n then 2 top it off it was my best pals engagement party. don't get me wrong, am really happy 4 her n wullie but i was lonely lol. I ended up hammered n didn't actually but a drink. I ended up flashing my boobs then my bum n i told davy exactly wot i thought of him then had my head down the toilet 4 20 mins. Thats wot happens when ur single on valentines day.

Sun 15th Feb

I spent the day wiv mr x. I really need 2 try n cut him out my life! He's not gd 4 me

An emotional weekend

Last week was a bit emotional 4 me. Didn't c Derek all week and he tried 2 tell me he wasn't avoiding me. I tried not 2 let him get 2 me but it did.. All week he told me he wasn't going 2 my cousins 21st party then he decided he didn't really wanna go 2 his works nite out so i thought fuck u derek.... On thurs my aunt decided i couldn't go 2 my cousins party on Fri cause of wot had happened last weekend so i decided i'd go out in Irvine wiv Lj n Hayley. went 2 the pub at half 4 wiv my sis 4 a few but she only stayed 4 2 drinks then left me waiting on my stepdad on my own.. Gave me time 2 think bout how gutted i was not 2 be going out wiv my family. All i wanted was someone 2 say that they would stay wiv me but noone did. I'd have told them 2 go but i just wanted someone 2 offer. Anyway stayed in the pub wiv my stepdad n the more drink i had the more upset i got. Left the pub 2 go 2 mums 2 get ready but i was 2 early n when i seen them all ready i just burst into tears. I was so upset. There taxi came n they left me sitting there in tears. Derek txt me 2 tell me he was now going 2 the party. Was not happy.... My brother who was at his pals foned me n cause i was so upset they changed there taxi time n came round 2 sit wiv me til it was time 4 me 2 go.. Mr x picked me up round the corner from mums n took me 2 Lj's house where she took 1 look at me n gave me a hug cause she could tell i needed it. I got more drunk while she got ready then we got a taxi 2 meet Hayley. We went 2 Pitchers bar where in a fit of rage i smashed my fone off the toilet floor.. Not a wise move as i broke it.. Managed 2 get a wee kiss standing at the bar from sum random.. Certainly cheered me up.. We moved onto the kings then viva. My sis, sharon n Derek appeared but cause it was after curfew n the police were hanging around the bouncerts wouldn't let them in so the 3 of us got our coats n left wiv them.. We went round 2 pitchers who let us in.. Lj had paid me into viva so i said i'd pay her in.. Cost 11 quid 4 both of us n my jacket, gave the girl a 20 n she gave me 19 quid back, dozy cow.... We had been in pitchers 4 a bit n we decided 2 go 4 a fag.. Cause i was drunk n not caring i asked Derek wot was going on n he told me we're just pals.. "just pals, i'll show u just pals" i said as we were going back in.. Grabbed the nxt guy that caught my eye n started kissing him.. Done this another 3 times then went 4 a dance wiv Lj feeling gr8..She told me Derek was raging when i was wiv them guys but i was past caring n so sick of not knowing where i stand... When we were outside at the end of the nite my feet were killing me n it was 2 cold 2 sit on the ground. so i asked sum guy 2 sit on the ground so i could sit on his knee n he did it.. He was pretty hot so when he asked me 2 move away 4 a kiss i didn't hesitate, well i did long enough 2 give derek my shoes 2 hold.. Once again he didn't look happy but he made his choice it was time 4 him 2 deal wiv it.. We got in the taxi n Derek asked if he could come back 2 mines 4 a bit n i thought fuck it lol.. He was only supposed 2 stay 4 a bit cause he had 2 get home 4 his wee girl but we fell asleep n he jumped up wiv his mum phoning so he ran out..

On sat morning i went 2 tesco at 815 cause i couldn't handle not having a fone. Bought 1 n came home.. Put my sim in n had loads of messages from mr x.. He was worried cause he hadn't heard from me.. I foned him cause it was his bday. I was really upset that i couldn't be wiv him.. Got off the fone hd a wee cry n took myself back 2 bed 4 the day...

Got up after 3 n went 2 mums 2 get ready.. Was going 2 Dereks work nite out wiv him mum n davy.. Taxi took us down after 6 n it was gd. Me n derek were getting on so well but at 9pm he left 2 go 2 his sisters house 2 play pictionary. That made me feel so special, being left 4 PICTIONARY... Coco who works wiv them asked me where my bf was n i said i didn't have 1 anymore n he thought this was gr8.. He was 1 of the guys that hit Stewart at new year lol.. We had a dance n a kiss then rochelle the fat boot made a comment that my dress looked like a bin bag.. Come on u should c her on a nite out.. l look gd dressed up, she doesn't.... Anyway decided the nite had been enough of a flop 4 me n got a taxi home.. Came in put my pj's on n chilled wiv a book.. It was gr8. Wiv all the hassle of Derek n mr x i forgot wot it was like 2 just chill out on my own when the kids weren't there... Mr x foned trying 2 get me over but i was 2 relaxed 2 do anything n i had the best sat nite sleep i've had in a long time...

Woke up on sun wiv 8 txts n 6 missed calls from derek trying 2 come 2 mines... Mr x came over 4 a few hours then i chilled wiv my book and Derek came at nite.. We played friends scene it which he is yet 2 beat me at n then he actually stayed over which he never does on a work nite.. He couldn't sleep so kept me awake. Everytime i tried 2 sleep he'd wake me up again by flicking my ear or pulling my hair.. He got a few punches cause am very grumpy when tired..

Holly came back from her dads this morning n i realised she is scared of the snow which is rather funny cause me n ryan luv it so much lol

Ryan turns 6 on thurs n is having a disco nxt sun which is gonna mean a quiet sat nite n i need 2 miss the pitchers popcorn party lol

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